you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
