Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
