I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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