her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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