my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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