I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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