Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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