SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
