What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
