While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize