I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just had sex on a roof
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
