Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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