But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
