I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
