He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
