Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
