So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize