I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
