How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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