I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
