i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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