you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
