Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
