It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
