Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
