so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
