Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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