yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
