I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
