I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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