The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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