i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
