At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
