It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
