I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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