The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
