I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I understand Curling. That high.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
