I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
