I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
