so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
