Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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