YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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