You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize