Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I will pee on everything he values.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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