I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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