Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
