But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
