At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
