im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
