So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
