Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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