You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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