my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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