So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
