I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Randomize
