Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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