we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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