Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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