No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
