Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
