She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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