idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
