How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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