i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
