It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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