Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize