anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
