i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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