YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
