I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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