party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize