No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
