Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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