Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Sorry my hands just texted you
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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