Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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