I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
