You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
