if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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