remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
