I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize