awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
