Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
