Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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