Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
