Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hippo gnu deer
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
