it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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