I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
