I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I understand Curling. That high.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
