"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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