I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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