Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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