don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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