He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
