Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And then he peed in my hair
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