fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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