So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
