From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
