I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
