oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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