so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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