she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize