I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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