I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
