I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize