Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just high enough for therapy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
