the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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