Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
