hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Who died my cat blue again?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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