i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
