Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
