Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
