I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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