Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
