i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
